Probably not the best time to write a blog when you are struggling, so I apologise in advance.
I expect anyone who has a chronic illness feels the same way from time to time but over the past month or so my health has not been so good. I was taking an antifungal drug for my aspergillus which resulted in some nasty side effects. I was told to stop it. I don’t think anything seems to have gone right since then. I started coughing up blood and my diabetes went haywire and here I am now struggling to breath. I am off to see one of my lung specialists tomorrow so hopefully he will have some answers.
The fear is whether the disease is getting worse or is it a blip. When do you accept that perhaps you can’t do the things you want because you are unable. I don’t want to be a blob in a chair. I know with all my hobbies I am basically sitting in a chair but I can still have a wander around a garden centre and pootle around the shops from time to time. When my poor dog died I accepted that I couldn’t cope with another one which was so difficult as I miss his company so much especially on bad days. I suppose I am fortunate that my husband has retired and is at home most of the time but I will be honest sometimes I feel we should be doing things to enjoy our retirement. I am not able to go out with my friends as much and the invitations are nearly non existent now. I understand why and I am not blaming anybody it is just the acceptance that I have to face that I can’t do these things anymore. Depressing.
I just hope they have some bright ideas tomorrow and I come away singing.
On a positive note (because I am not able to do much else) 3 card orders completed and sent out and 3 more to do. Thank goodness for my hobbies otherwise I really would be depressed.
Onwards and upwards. Keep well.