Probably not the best time to write a blog when you are struggling, so I apologise in advance.

I expect anyone who has a chronic illness feels the same way from time to time but over the past month or so my health has not been so good.  I was taking an antifungal drug for my aspergillus which resulted in some nasty side effects.  I was told to stop it.  I don’t think anything seems to have gone right since then.  I started coughing up blood and my diabetes went haywire and here I am now struggling to breath.  I am off to see one of my lung specialists tomorrow so hopefully he will have some answers.

The fear is whether the disease is getting worse or is it a blip.  When do you accept that perhaps you can’t do the things you want because you are unable.  I don’t want to be a blob in a chair.  I know with all my hobbies I am basically sitting in a chair but I can still have a wander around a garden centre and pootle around the shops from time to time.  When my poor dog died I accepted that I couldn’t cope with another one which was so difficult as I miss his company so much especially on bad days.  I suppose I am fortunate that my husband has retired and is at home most of the time but I will be honest sometimes I feel we should be doing things to enjoy our retirement.  I am not able to go out with my friends as much and the invitations are nearly non existent now.  I understand why and I am not blaming anybody it is just the acceptance that I have to face that I can’t do these things anymore.  Depressing.

I just hope they have some bright ideas tomorrow and I come away singing.

On a positive note (because I am not able to do much else) 3 card orders completed and sent out and 3 more to do.  Thank goodness for my hobbies otherwise I really would be depressed.

Onwards and upwards.  Keep well.

3 thoughts on “Fears

  1. I am sorry for what you are dealing with. I know things get so frustrating and you just want to feel better right away. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 16 years ago and denied it for as long as possible. I decided a little more than 2 months ago to start this blog and it was the best decision ever! I have been able to communicate with people all around the world with chronic illness that understand how hard it is! I actually set myself a goal that may seem crazy to a lot of people, but I want to do one post every day for a while! It is so amazing to be able to express my feelings and help others deal with issues!! I wish you lots of luck with you blog and if I can do anything for you, do not hesitate to contact me! I look forward to reading more of your posts! Take care


  2. Thankyou for your comments. This is very new to me but I have been finding it helpful. It is comforting in a funny sort of way that we are not alone. I hope things get easier for you and that you succeed with your personal challenge. Best wishes.


  3. Jill you are a strong lady just hang in there, do not have doubts as you are inspiration to us all it is you I think off when this dreaded deciese gets me down


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